(that unhappy people do not)

Focus on what you have and not on what you don’t

Unhappy people are unthankful people. The practice of counting your blessings is a great start. Get out a legal pad and write down all the good things in your life. Often unhappiness sneaks in when we lose sight of all the good things in our life and become focused on one or two difficult things.

Question the sources of your expectations

Most unhappy people want things they don’t have…and they want them bad. Are these expectations realistic? Who is selling them to you? I hope not the media. Having a miserable existence because you are not living into a pipe dream, is really tragic.

Be Generous

Study after study has come to the same conclusion. Selfish people are miserable. Happy people give of their time and resources to a cause greater than themselves.

Remember happiness is not a destination

The happiest people I know are those least conscious of their own happiness. Happiness is learning to enjoy the ride, not reaching your destination.

If you don’t like your life, change it

Take control of your own life. Do want to learn to play the piano? Take lessons! Do you regret not getting a college degree? Get one. Do you want to improve your spiritual life? Start going to church. There is really no one holding you back but you.

Slow down

You just can’t smell the roses at a full sprint! If you, like me, are a workaholic type, build time into your Outlook to do nothing. Get a hobby. Enjoy your friends and family. Happy people have learned how to occasionally chill.

Realize there are no shortcuts

If you were honestly disappointed you didn’t win the billion dollar Power Ball, you are not getting it. Getting your education, working hard, putting in the hours, pursuing your dreams, saving and giving are always in style.

Stop feeling entitled

No one owes you anything. Just assume you are not going to get any help, that you will receive no inheritance and that no one is going to give you a break. Now go make your life happen! If anything else comes (and it probably will), it is all bonus!

Think significance

Significance is achieved by leaving the world better than you found it. People who feel their lives really matter are the happiest people of all!

Forgive

Forgiving those who have hurt you, breaks their power over you. Forgiving yourself for your failures, frees you for future success. Ask God to forgive you. Ask those you have hurt to forgive you. Make restitution where you can. Move on.

A great attitude is a choice, not a disposition

We can control our feelings or we can be controlled by them. Happy people CHOOSE to have great attitudes.

Speak life

When you speak, choose words that uplift, encourage and bring positive energy into every situation. My mom was right, “If you don’t have something nice to say, you shouldn’t say anything at all.” People who speak life are like human air fresheners.

Musings of Rev. Shane L. Bishop

50+ Worthwhile Things to Do Before You Die

Positive News  Published September 19, 2022

Why Keep a Bucket List? By definition, a “bucket list” is simply a list of the things you want to do before you die. But it represents so much more than that. Your bucket list is also your wish list, a note of all your goals and aspirations. Keeping a bucket list helps remind you of the things you still need to achieve in your life.

More often than not, when we think about something that we want to do but are not yet capable of doing, we often shrug it off as impossible and label it wishful thinking. But when you have a bucket list, those “impossible” things become a little more possible. It makes your wish lists more tangible. In other words, it gives you hope that no matter how unattainable things may seem, they are always very much within your reach.

So, if you want to make the most out of this borrowed time, here’s a bucket list of worthwhile things to do before you die:

Bucket List Ideas of Things to Do Before You Die

  1. Start a hobby. If you haven’t got a hobby yet, now’s a good time to start.
  2. Adopt a rescue pet. Instead of buying from breeders, adopt a shelter animal. Most of them have been abandoned and mistreated. All they want is a loving home to call their own.
  3. Learn a foreign language. Being able to speak another language is always an advantage especially if you plan to travel to other countries.
  4. Help a stranger. Honestly, we should all do this every chance we get.
  5. Make a difference in someone’s life. This is the greatest legacy you can ever leave this world.
  6. Go somewhere you’ve never been to. You can never grow as a person unless you step out of your comfort zone.
  7. Share your meal with a person in need. If you can afford food right now, then you are extremely blessed. Share your blessings with those who need them the most.
  8. Run a marathon. It doesn’t just keep your body active. It’s also a great way to make new friends.
  9. Advocate for a cause. If you have a cause, you care about, then it’s time to speak up and increase people’s awareness about it.
  10. Eat something you’ve never eaten. That food might just become your new favorite. You’ll never know until you try.
  11. Conquer a fear. It’s normal to have fears. But it takes a special kind of courage to face and conquer those fears.
  12. Forgive people. Burying the hatchet isn’t about letting people who hurt you get off the hook. It’s more about setting yourself free from pain, anger, and bitterness.
  13. Forgive yourself. Forgiving yourself is the first step to healing.
  14. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter. These nonprofits are mostly run by volunteers so they’re often in need of an extra pair of hands.
  15. Cook a foreign dish. You might end up loving it or hating it but at least you tried. And isn’t it what life is about?
  16. Start a business. If you have a business idea that you think has potential, then it’s time to bring it to life.
  17. Buy lunch for a homeless person. Some of them haven’t had meals for days so a free lunch would be very much welcome.
  18. Treat your family and loved ones to a vacation. Spending time with your family is always a good idea.
  19. Go on a road trip. Whether you go alone or with friends and family, road trips create some of the most memorable moments you can look back to.
  20. Learn sign language. This helps you communicate better with the deaf and hard of hearing which makes you understand them better.
  21. Befriend a stranger. Don’t be afraid to strike up a conversation with a stranger. You can always learn something new from someone.
  22. Talk to old people about their life experiences. Some of the best life lessons come from experience. That’s why old people are literally walking treasure troves of wisdom.
  23. Help someone without expecting something in return. This should be the norm rather than the exception.
  24. See the northern lights. The aurora borealis or more commonly known as the northern lights is definitely a sight to behold and one you should see before you die.
  25. Tell your loved ones how much you love them. Let them know you love them while you still can.
  26. Mentor someone. Passing your knowledge and skills to someone is one of the best ways of creating a legacy.
  27. Participate in a disaster relief effort. From packing relief goods or rescuing people, there are a lot of things you can do to help disaster victims.
  28. Explore a new country at least once a year. Exploring new countries expands your horizon and helps you see things from different perspectives.
  29. Write a book. If you want to be remembered even hundreds of years after your death, write a book.
  30. Watch a foreign movie. Movies are a great way to soak up another culture and learn about what life is like on the other side of the world.
  31. Buy from a local farmer. Aside from helping a local business, you’ll also get to enjoy fresh produce directly from the farm.
  32. Organize a fundraising drive for a cause. Alternatively, you can also participate in a fundraising activity for a local charity.
  33. Live in a different country. If you really want to get out of your comfort zone and venture into uncharted territory, living abroad for at least a few months is one of the best ways to do so.
  34. Go horseback riding. Being atop a running horse while feeling the wind in your face is one of the most exhilarating experiences in the world. Who knows, you might love it so much you’ll want to take it up as a hobby.
  35. Go skiing. Not a fan of the cold nor of the outdoors? Explore your limits and go on a skiing trip.
  36. Witness a solar eclipse. Solar eclipses only happen two to five times a year but you’ll only get to see them if you’re in the right place at the right time. That’s why most people get to witness a real-life solar eclipse only once in their life.
  37. Cook a meal for your loved ones. They say that a way to someone’s heart is through their stomach. So if you can, allocate at least one day a month to cook a homemade meal for your loved ones. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. What matters most is the time and effort you spent cooking those meals.
  38. Read a book on a topic you’re not familiar with. Expanding your knowledge about the world is one of the most worthwhile things you can do before you die.
  39. Explore Antarctica. Antarctica is at the very edge of the world and because of its geographical location and extreme weather conditions, it’s not a popular travel destination. So if you can explore Antarctica, that would definitely be one for the books.
  40. Fly on a helicopter. ust like riding a horse, a helicopter ride is one of the most exhilarating experiences you’ll have. That makes it a worthwhile addition to this bucket list.
  41. Try customer-facing jobs. Despite having one of the hardest jobs in the world, frontline workers are often underpaid and underappreciated. Try working in a customer-facing job at least once so you’ll develop a deeper sense of appreciation for other people’s hard work.
  42. Do something silly and completely out of character. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Life is meant to be enjoyed so don’t be afraid to do something silly occasionally.
  43. Visit all seven continents. If you’re a traveler at heart, visiting all seven continents should definitely be on your bucket list.
  44. Sleep under the stars with your loved one. Aside from being extremely romantic, sleeping under the stars is definitely an experience that will occupy a special place in your memories and one you’ll constantly look back to.
  45. Make something from scratch. With everything being made in factories these days, making something completely from scratch gives a different level of satisfaction.
  46. Donate blood. One pint of donated blood can already save three lives. Just imagine how many lives can be saved if even just a quarter of the world’s population will donate blood. So, if you’re qualified to donate blood, it should be on your bucket list.
  47. Climb a mountain. Even if you’re not the outdoorsy type, climbing a mountain is a must-do before you die. Aside from the fresh air and the opportunity to stretch your limbs, the mountainside is one of the best places to commune with Mother Nature. Plus, when you’re at the top of the mountain, you tend to forget all your problems.
  48. Grow your own herbs and vegetables. Why buy from the grocery when you can grow your own food, right? You won’t only be able to save some money, but you’ll also have a constant supply of fresh herbs and vegetables. Win-win, eh?
  49. Pay for a veteran’s meal. They have served our country valiantly, but they don’t get all recognition they rightfully deserve. So the next time you meet a veteran in a restaurant or a fast food joint, don’t hesitate to offer to pay for their meal.
  50. Research your family tree. I mean, at some point, you were probably curious about where your genes come from or what your ancestors did. You can start by asking your parents or grandparents stories about their parents and grandparents. If your country has an extensive record of births and deaths, you may even trace your family tree back to the middle ages.
  51. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Privately-run animal rescue centers also rely on volunteers to get their work done. Plus, you’ll surely have a wonderful time taking care of and playing with the rescues.
  52. Explore an ancient ruin. Just the thought of walking on ancient ground is mind-blowing enough. Add to that the profound sense of history that you can only get from these ruins, and you get yourself another item to cross off your bucket list.
  53. Trek Up the Machu Picchu. Climbing up the Inca trail usually takes about three to five days. But it’s all worth it once you’re on the top of this lost city.

The past is over: Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past.

“The weak can never forgive: Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” –Mahatma Gandhi

What forgiveness is:

  • Not what we do but the way we perceive people and situations.
  • Something that we offer others and something we accept for ourselves.
  • A DECISION to see beyond the limits of another’s personality. It is a choice to “see the light instead of the

lampshade.” (Dr. Gerald Jampalsky).

  • AN ATTITUDE that implies that you are willing to accept responsibility for your perceptions, realizing that your perceptions are a choice and not an objective fact.
  • A PROCESS that requires shifting your perceptions again and again. It is rarely a one-time event because we habitually cloud our vision with judgments and perceptions of the past projected on to the present. Each time we shift to a deeper truth about others, and ourselves the ego weakens the monopoly on our perceptions.
  • A WAY OF LIFE that transforms us from victims to powerful and loving co-creators of our life. We can let go of the past and be fresh and out of fear in the present.

What forgiveness is not:

  • Not condoning negative, inappropriate behavior-yours or someone else’s.
  • Not pretending everything is fine when you feel it isn’t. Genuine forgiveness cannot be offered if anger and resentment are denied or ignored.
  • Not assuming an attitude of superiority or self-righteousness.
  • Not mean you will or must change your behavior.
  • Not require that you verbally communicate directly to the person you have forgiven.

“Though you may choose to behave differently, forgiveness requires only a shift in perception, another way of looking at the people and circumstances that we feel have caused us upset and pain.”

(This information primarily taken from, Robin Casarjian’s book, Forgiveness, A Bold Choice for a Peaceful Heart)

Self-Forgiveness

A Great Birth (excerpts taken from Forgiveness, A Bold Choice for a Peaceful Heart, by Robin Casarjian)

-“Forgiving yourself is probably the greatest challenge that you will ever meet. It is, in essence, the process of learning to love and accept yourself no matter what. ”

-“Love and self-forgiveness is essentially the same thing.”

-“The purpose of self-forgiveness is to shine light on the illusions, fears, and self-judgments that have held us captive in the role of the jailer”

-“Self-forgiveness is a great birth. It is inherent in those moments when the compassion, love, and glory of the greater Self is born within our direct experience and known beyond definition.”

-According to the theologian, Matthew Fox, “…the sin behind all sin is dualism. Separation. Subject/ object relationships.” “Take any sin….war, burglary, rape, every such action is treating another as an object outside oneself…. This is behind the sin.”

-“If we are separate from our Self, lost in fear, the instinctive survival mechanism will be to project this separation outward, trying to manipulate circumstances in an attempt to feel secure, in control, and powerful.” The irony is that we will actually feel the opposite.

-“Guilt can be healthy. …Healthy guilt posts boundaries…it guides our conscience. it is part of an internalized moral code…it is developed at around age 3.” We can get stuck in seeing our mistakes as that 3 year old!

-When you feel healthy guilt, but this guilt is indulged-if months or years later you are steeped in guilt for choices you made long ago this very same guilt becomes unhealthy. This is when the ego, in the form of the self-critic, acts like a robber who steals the present, has you tied to the past, and frightened about the future.”

– If you are dominated by guilt, it is impossible to feel compassion for yourself…it is by forgiving yourself that the bullying grip of the ego is released. It is by forgiving yourself that you can accept your mistakes as fearful reactions and confused attempts to get the power or love you felt you lacked…If we don’t forgive, the guilt will be played out in some way.”

-“The guilty self demands punishment for what it has done…it doles out its sentence in, depression, unhappiness, a chronic sense of unworthiness, or physical and mental illnesses.”

-“Self-forgiveness doesn’t imply condoning behaviors…or that you won’t feel remorse, but you need to move on from this place into a place of compassion. The truth is, you have made a mistake, but you essentially are not that act committed …yes, you are guilty of the behavior, but the essential Self is always guiltless and

7 ways to cultivate self-love

Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA

Loving yourself sounds like it should come naturally, but most of us don’t find it easy. If you struggle to silence your inner critic or often find yourself overwhelmed with self-criticism, starting a self-love practice probably feels impossible. But it’s worth pursuing.

The thing is, self-love isn’t something that happens overnight. It’s a practice. And it takes time. Luckily, there are some simple steps and strategies you can follow to help you cultivate the qualities that will blossom into sustainable self-love.

What is self-love and why is it important?

Self-love is exactly how it sounds—it’s a love for self and having an interest in your own wellbeing and happiness. Loving yourself doesn’t mean being self-centered or selfish. It’s about forming a caring relationship with yourself, like getting to know a good friend.

Self-love is important because the relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for how you deal with every aspect of life: your bonds with others, the way you handle challenges, and how you celebrate joys. When you’re kind and understanding toward yourself, you’re better equipped to navigate life’s ups and downs.

But how do you start loving yourself? Where do you even begin? Self-love starts with understanding where you stand right now. Take a look at your current feelings toward your mental health, motivation, and overall wellbeing. Are you harsh with yourself when things don’t go as planned? Do you forget to celebrate your wins, especially the small ones? These little check-ins can pave the path to walking toward self-love.

What are the 7 steps to loving yourself?

Loving yourself isn’t a switch you turn on or off. It’s a practice that takes time, commitment and, well, practice, to cultivate. For many of us, the idea of loving ourselves feels out of reach. That’s why it’s often helpful to break the concept of self-love down into its distinctive elements — including self-trust, self-compassion, and self-awareness.

This can make it easier to start developing a self-love practice that feels achievable and manageable. So instead of viewing self-love as something you have to win at, try practicing these seven steps.

  1. Self-awareness: Understand your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors.
  2. Self-expression: Be true to who you are in all areas of life.
  3. Self-care: Take care of your body and mind.
  4. Self-trust: Believe in your ability to handle life’s ups and downs.
  5. Self-compassion: Be kind to yourself, especially when times are tough.
  6. Self-respect: Honor your worth by setting healthy boundaries.
  7. Self-acceptance: Embrace who you are, including the parts you don’t find perfect. Remember what we said about perfection?

7 ways to practice self-love, self-compassion, and self-care

Self-love can feel unfamiliar and challenging to some of us, particularly if we’ve got into a habit of being hard on ourselves. The steps above can help break down the idea of self-love into more manageable elements.

But what practical things can we do to cultivate practices like self-awareness and self-trust? We got you. For each of the self-love steps, we’re sharing tools, techniques and exercises you can use to help get you closer to loving yourself.

1. Build your self-awareness

Building self-awareness helps cultivate self-love by giving you further insight into what makes you who you are on an emotional level. Begin by tuning into your thoughts and feelings. What makes you feel happy, sad, or excited? Then, take it a step further. What makes you feel overwhelmed, overjoyed, or anxious? Knowing yourself is the first step to loving yourself.

  • Practice mindfulness: Try mindfulness practices to stay present and understand your thoughts and feelings better.
  • Educate yourself: Empower yourself through education by reading books, attending workshops, or engaging in discussions that promote self-awareness, self-compassion, and self-love.
  • Schedule regular self-check-ins: Reflect on your feelings, goals, and progress. Write them down, and revisit them often.
  • Tune into yourself through meditation: Spend some quiet time meditating to help declutter your mind and tap into your desires.
  • Let go of what no longer serves you: Let go of old habits or relationships that no longer contribute to your growth or happiness. We know this practice can be difficult, but removing what no longer brings you joy makes space for the good to come in.

2. Discover what self-expression looks like for you

Loving yourself also means giving yourself permission to express your thoughts and feelings both inwardly and outwardly. Express yourself honestly in your day-to-day life. Be true to who you are, whether you’re simply chatting with friends or making big decisions at work.

  • Engage in creative expression: Whether it’s drawing, writing, or any other form of creative expression, allowing your creativity to flow freely can become an act of self-love.
  • Discover new hobbies: Explore new activities that bring you joy and allow you to express yourself. Have you always wanted to try your hand at a group sport or acting? Now’s the time to try.
  • Journaling: Write down your thoughts, feelings, and experiences daily, and don’t hold back. Expressing yourself through writing can be cathartic and a helpful step in falling back in love with who you are.
  • Spend quality time with yourself: Enjoy your own company by doing things that make you happy. There’s a difference between doing something alone and feeling lonely. Embracing solo time and solo outings to the movies, dinner, or even a cooking class can be empowering, and, believe it or not, ridiculously fun!

3. Practice self-care

Caring for your body and mind plays a major role in cultivating self-love. Simple acts like mindful eating, exercise, and making time to relax can make a big difference in your overall wellbeing.

  • Make time for self-care: Dedicate time each day for yourself, even if it’s just a few minutes at the start of your day or before bed to breathe and ground yourself.
  • Take breaks when you need them: Remember to rest — even a micro-break can refresh and rejuvenate you. Want to amp up your rest break a notch? Take it outside. Being in nature can naturally calm and refresh your mind and body.
  • Practice relaxation: Use techniques like deep breathing or yoga to relax your body and focus on your breath.
  • Nourish your body: Fuel your body with nourishing food that makes you feel good.
  • Prioritize sleep: Ensure you get enough good quality sleep—it’s crucial for your wellbeing.
  • Connect with your body through movement: Move your body in a way that feels good for you. It could be dancing in your apartment to your favorite album, walking outside, or stretching from the comfort of your bed.
  • Ask for support when you need it: Reach out for help when you need it. Asking for support isa sign of strength, not weakness.
  • Set healthy habits to support your wellbeing: Create routines that promote your physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing. Perhaps it’s a walk in the park a few times a week, morning journaling, or cutting back on caffeine.

4. Embrace self-trust

It’s hard to love yourself if you don’t trust yourself. Embracing self-trust is about understanding that you have the ability to make the correct decisions for your life. Even when things don’t go as planned, believing that you can learn and grow from the experience is an important step in building self-trust.

  • Develop a growth mindset: View challenges as opportunities for growth, instead of viewing them as barriers, and trust that you’ll make it through. There’s no harm in trying and getting something wrong. Learn from it, and try again.
  • Set realistic expectations: Set achievable goals to build your sense of accomplishment and reinforce the belief you have in yourself to overcome.
  • Practice patience: Be patient with yourself as you uncover what self-love means to you. Trusting yourself takes time. Let it.
  • Monitor your negative self-talk: Pay attention to how you talk to yourself. Are you harsh or unforgiving? Do you speak about yourself poorly? Take note of how you speak to yourself and work to make it more positive and encouraging. Similarly to how we might lose trust in someone who speaks negatively, we can lose that same trust in ourselves.
  • Make a list of things you’re proud of: Reflect on your achievements and the things that make you proud. Look back on them when you need a dose of inspiration and remind yourself and believe that you can make yourself proud again and again.

5. Cultivate self-compassion

Be kind to yourself. Always. Especially when life gets tough. Celebrate your wins, learn from life’s mishaps, and don’t be too hard on yourself when it all doesn’t go as planned. Having compassion for self means you deeply care about your wellbeing. And feelings of deep care often mean love.

  • Practice positive affirmations: Craft and repeat positive phrases daily to help drive away those pesky negative thoughts.
  • Develop a self-forgiveness practice: Forgive yourself for past mistakes or perceived shortcomings. You’re only human. Remember that.
  • Try a loving-kindness meditation: Practice loving-kindness meditation to cultivate love and kindness toward yourself and others.
  • Put your hand over your heart and breathe deeply: This simple gesture can bring comfort and a sense of self-compassion.

6. Strengthen your self-respect

Respect yourself by setting boundaries to show yourself—and others—that your desires, wants, and needs matter. When we respect our boundaries and our wants, we’re showing ourselves love by prioritizing our needs.

Seek supportive communities: Surround yourself with supportive, loving, and understanding people who uplift you. The more you’re around people you respect and admire, the more you might begin to respect, admire, and love yourself.

  • Set boundaries: Give yourself permission to say no to things or people that drain your energy. Setting boundaries and sticking to them is an act of self-love, as it showcases to the world around you that you give yourself what you want and need.
  • Volunteer: Engage in volunteer work to connect with a sense of purpose and community. Volunteer to walk dogs at a local animal shelter or serve meals at a community kitchen. Giving back brings a deep sense of purpose and gratitude, and a way to give yourself love is to give love to others in need.
  • Celebrate your progress and success: Celebrate your wins, big or small, as all victories are steps toward growth. You’d cheer for a friend’s achievement, regardless of its size, wouldn’t you? Show yourself the same love and kindness and become your own cheerleader.
  • Honor your commitments to yourself: When you make a promise to yourself, keep it. Honoring your promises to yourself can help to build self-respect, which, as we’ve learned, enhances self-love by showing yourself that you’re a priority.
  • Cultivate self-worth: Grow your self-esteem by acknowledging your worth and capabilities. Worthiness is defined as something that is important and deserves recognition. Having self-worth drives positive action and belief toward self, which can develop self-love.

7. Embrace self-acceptance

Embrace yourself wholeheartedly. Every single inch. Even the parts you’d like to improve upon. You have nothing to gain by being hard on yourself, and everything to gain by being loving and accepting of yourself as you move along on your path in life. When you accept yourself, you’re declaring the love you have for self, regardless of what happens. Think of self-acceptance as a loving embrace.

  • Acknowledge and embrace your imperfections: Accept all parts of yourself, even what you don’t find to be perfect. Perfection is an illusion anyway, remember?
  • Learn to laugh with yourself: Embracing a light-hearted approach toward life and how you view yourself can help you meet those challenging moments with more ease and less friction.
  • Embrace where you are now: Appreciate the present moment. You’re here now. So, be here now and try to enjoy the journey.
  • Make space for your emotions: Allow yourself to feel your emotions. Emotions are natural, but ignoring them can become detrimental to your wellbeing.
  • Drop the comparison: Avoid comparing yourself to others. You’re unique and have your own journey.
  • Practice gratitude: Cultivate gratitude by acknowledging the qualities you appreciate about yourself and your life. This can shift your focus from what’s lacking to what’s abundant.

How to love yourself FAQs

How do I start to love myself?

Starting on the path of self-love begins with self-awareness. Notice your thoughts, feelings and actions. Begin to recognize what makes you smile or what makes you feel uneasy. Once you have a better understanding of yourself, you can start taking steps toward treating yourself with more kindness and respect. Remember, it’s a journey—there are no deadlines, and you don’t have to rush. And if you ever feel lost, you can always revisit the seven steps to gently reintroduce self-love practices.

Why do I struggle to love myself?

Struggling with self-love is a common human experience, so you’re not alone. Sometimes, past experiences, societal expectations, or harsh self-judgment can create blocks on the path to self-love. It’s important to remember that overcoming these hurdles takes time and practice, but with patience and persistence, it can get easier. Engaging in self-compassion practices and seeking support when needed are great steps when you encounter these struggles.

What are the signs of lack of self-love?

Lack of self-love can show up in different ways. It could be in the form of constant self-criticism, ignoring your own needs, or having difficulty with accepting compliments. It might also appear as feeling undeserving of positive experiences or neglecting self-care. The good news is that recognizing these signs is the first step toward change. Once you see them, you can start taking steps to build a more loving relationship with yourself.

What are self-love habits?

Self-love habits are small, daily actions that nurture a loving relationship with yourself. They could be as simple as speaking kindly to yourself, taking breaks when needed, or engaging in activities that make you happy. Other self-love habits include practicing gratitude, spending time in nature, eating nourishing food, and exercising in a way that feels good to your body. The goal is to create habits that make you feel loved, respected, and cared for.

12 Steps to Self-Care

  1. If it feels wrong, don’t do it
  2. Say “exactly” what you mean
  3. Don’t be a people pleaser
  4. Trust your instincts
  5. Never speak bad about yourself
  6. Never give up on your dreams
  7. Don’t be afraid to say “No”
  8. Don’t be afraid to say “Yes”
  9. Be kind to yourself
  10. Let go of what you can’t control
  11. Stay away from drama & negativity
  12. LOVE

How to Establish a Daily Practice of Almost Anything, in Six Steps

by Anne Cushman| August 16, 2022

Whether it’s meditation, yoga, or your favorite creative activity, you’ll get so much more from doing it every day. Follow these six steps, says Anne Cushman, to enjoy all the benefits of daily practice.

Going to a retreat or program is a wonderful way to deepen our meditation practice. But how do we stay connected with these waking-up practices when we go home to the myriad projects, emails, responsibilities, and distractions waiting for us?

This is a question that applies not just to meditation, yoga, and other spiritual practices, but to any creative art we want to commit to, such as painting, writing, or playing an instrument. Paradoxically, the practices we know are most vital to our wellbeing are the very things that are usually pushed aside by daily tasks that feel more urgent.

You may start each day intending to spend half an hour on your zafu, practice walking meditation in the park, or write three haikus capturing the essence of your insights. But you’re out of yogurt and broccoli, there are 237 unread emails in your inbox, your taxes were due last week, and your child has knocked out a tooth skateboarding or needs you to buy Japanese print fabric for a history project. So, you put off meditating or working on your memoir for one more day. And then one more. And then one more.

Lately I’ve been offering students a six-step plan that I’ve found effective for establishing and maintaining a home practice of almost anything—even in the middle of a crazily busy life. I’ve used these principles to maintain a yoga and meditation practice for almost 30 years—and to pursue various long-term artistic projects, such as writing a novel.

1. Set Your Intention

Get very clear about what you want to commit to—and even more important, why.

Why is it important to you that you sustain a meditation practice—or do tai chi, or paint wildflowers? What part of you does it nourish? Write down your reasons. The more specific you are, the more likely you will be to do it. It’s not just “I want to meditate more.” It’s “I commit to meditating for ten minutes before I wake up the kids for school because it keeps me calm, grounded, and more present for my family.” To make your intention even stronger, share it with someone close to you. However, be careful about talking about it too widely—that can dissipate the energy.

2. Establish a Cue

This is what reminds you to start your practice. The most simple and reliable cue is a specific time. For instance, you decide you will meditate every evening from 9 to 9:30 p.m.

It can also be a floating cue: you will do half an hour of yoga right after you finish work, whenever that happens to be. Or you will take ten mindful breaths whenever you are about to launch your email program. To ensure that your good intentions don’t get overrun by other plans, carve out the time in advance. Write it into your calendar and don’t schedule anything else during that period. Be sure to build in time for any preparations or cleanup that are necessary.

Remember, start modestly. Meditating for ten minutes every day for a year is more beneficial than meditating an hour a day for three days, then burning out. Again, it can help to let the people close to you know what you are doing, especially if you live together. That way they can support you in your commitment.

3. Round Up Your Supplies

Make sure you have everything you need for your practice in a place where you can find it easily. That way you don’t have to waste your precious time hunting them down. Maintain a meditation nook with an inviting cushion, a small altar, and a supply of incense and matches. If you want to write down your dreams every morning, place a notebook and pen on your bedside table.

4. Do Your Practice

So, you don’t spend your dedicated practice time spacing out or trying to figure out where to get started, it helps to have a plan in place, especially at first. Know what meditation method you intend to practice—for example, breath meditation or loving-kindness practice—and stick with one method for at least a week before switching. (If you’re planning on using a guided meditation, download or bookmark the instructions in advance, so you don’t eat up your meditation time surfing the web.)

If you’re doing yoga, outline a standard routine you can fall back on, knowing that if you get inspired, you can always change it once you get going. If you’re doing writing practice, put some prompts in your journal to get you started.

5. Reward Yourself

Yes, theoretically the practice is its own reward. But especially when you’re establishing a new pattern, it helps to have an external reward as well. After your dawn meditation, make yourself a cup of green tea and sip it slowly while watching the sun come up. After your evening yoga, watch a silly movie with your kids. After you draw in your art journal, put a gold star sticker on your calendar. Our brains love this kind of positive reinforcement.

6. Track your progress

Keeping a record of what you have and haven’t done increases your sense of accountability. Make this part fun! You can go the old-fashioned route by checking off boxes on a calendar. Or you can use one of the many new habit-tracking apps that are available.

Remember, this is about celebrating your accomplishments, not beating yourself up when you miss a day. Through daily small changes of routine, your whole life can shift over time to a new trajectory. Just remember to enjoy

16 Ways to Naturally Reset Your Sleep

(For The Sake of Your Health & Longevity)

February 21, 2023 Functional Medicine Doctor & NY Times bestseller

By Mark Hyman, M.D. a practicing family physician, a 13-time New York Times best-selling author, and an internationally recognized leader, speaker, educator, and advocate in his field. He is the Director of the Cleveland Clinic Center for Functional Medicine.

When I was a medical student and resident, sleep was considered optional. Delivering 500 babies and working in the emergency department for overnight shifts fried my nervous system. I learned firsthand the dangers of sleep deprivation. Sleep, while it may seem superfluous, is essential to our health and longevity. The notion of “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” may cause you an early death. It affects every aspect of our health, including our metabolism, weight, mood, and cognitive function.

Over the last 100 years, the average night of sleep has declined by an hour or two. Seventy million Americans1 suffer from sleep problems. Lack of sleep not only impairs our ability to concentrate and causes trouble learning, decreased attention to detail, and increased risk of motor vehicle accidents; research suggests that regularly sleeping for less than seven hours a night2 has negative effects on the cardiovascular, endocrine, immune, and nervous systems.

Side effects of sleep deprivation can include obesity, diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, anxiety, depression, dementia, alcohol abuse, stroke, and increased risk of developing some types of cancer3

Sleep is essential for healing and repair and cellular cleanup and longevity. A newly discovered brain-cleaning system called the glymphatic system4 is essentially the lymph system of the brain and is necessary for cleaning up all the metabolic waste that accumulates every day.

Your muscles, organs, and brain need to repair each day. Your hormones and circadian rhythms must be in balance for health and longevity, and sleep is critical to maintaining that balance. If you want to understand the importance of sleep, you must read Matthew Walker’s book, Why We Sleep.

Here’s how to restore your natural sleep rhythm. It may take weeks or months, but using these tools in a coordinated way will eventually reset your biological rhythms:

  1. Practice the regular rhythms of sleep. Go to bed and wake up at the same time each day.
  2. Use your bed for sleep and romance only, not reading or television.
  3. Create total darkness and quiet. Consider using eyeshades and earplugs.
  4. Get grounded. Electromagnetic frequencies can impair sleep. I recommend turning off Wi-Fi and keeping all your electronic devices away from your bed. Create a charging station in a common area of your home and encourage all your family members to “check in” their devices before bed.
  5. Eliminate blue-light exposure for two to three hours before bed. Avoid computers, smartphones, tablets, and television two hours before bed. Avoiding blue-spectrum light after the sun goes down helps your brain reset for sleep and increases melatonin. Ideally, use blue-blocker glasses after sunset, a simple hack that pays sleep and health dividends.
  6. Avoid caffeine. It may help you stay awake during the day, but it interferes with your sleep.
  7. Avoid alcohol. It helps you get to sleep but causes interruptions in sleep and poor-quality sleep, something I have seen firsthand from data on my Oura Ring.
  8. Get regular exposure to daylight for at least 20 minutes daily. The light from the sun enters your eyes and triggers your brain to release specific chemicals and hormones like melatonin that are vital to healthy sleep, mood, and aging.
  9. Eat no later than three hours before bed. Eating a heavy meal prior to bed will lead to a bad night’s sleep.
  10. Take a hot Epsom salt and aromatherapy bath with lavender oil. Raising your body temperature before bed helps to induce sleep. A hot bath also relaxes your muscles and reduces physical and psychic tension.
  11. Use herbal therapies. Try 100 to 200 mg of passionflower or 320 to 480 mg of valerian (Valeriana officinalis) root extract standardized to 0.2% valerenic acid one hour before bed.
  12. Take 200 to 400 mg of magnesium citrate or glycinate before bed. Magnesium is a powerful relaxation mineral for the nervous system and muscles.
  13. Other supplements and herbs can be helpful in getting some shut-eye. Try calcium, L-theanine (an amino acid from green tea), GABA, 5-HTP, and magnolia.
  14. Find guided relaxation, yoga nidra, meditation, and guided imagery options online and listen to them before bed. Any of these may help you get to sleep.
  15. Try binaural beats sound meditation, which synchronizes brain waves for deep sleep. You can find videos on YouTube. They can be used before bed or in the middle of the night to help you fall back asleep.
  16. Try my free Sleep Master Class.

If after trying these strategies you still struggle with sleep, please see a functional medicine practitioner who can determine whether things like food sensitivities, thyroid problems, menopause, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, heavy metal toxicity, stress, or depression is interfering with your sleep. You can find one at the website of the Institute for Functional Medicine. Consider getting tested for sleep disorders such as sleep apnea. Getting good sleep is essential for your health and longevity.

and Compelling Reasons Why

By Rick Rubin February 11, 2023

Those who do not engage in the traditional arts might be wary of calling themselves artists. They might perceive creativity as something extraordinary or beyond their capabilities. A calling for the special few who are born with these gifts.

Creativity is not a rare ability. It is not difficult to access. Creativity is a fundamental aspect of being human. It’s our birthright. And it’s for all of us. Creativity doesn’t exclusively relate to making art. We all engage in this act on a daily basis. To create is to bring something into existence that wasn’t there before. It could be a conversation, the solution to a problem, a note to a friend, the rearrangement of furniture in a room, a new route home to avoid a traffic jam.

What you make doesn’t have to be witnessed, recorded, sold, or encased in glass for it to be a work of art. Through the ordinary state of being, we’re already creators in the most profound way, creating our experience of reality and composing the world we perceive.

On living as an artist …

To live as an artist is a way of being in the world. A way of perceiving. A practice of paying attention. Refining our sensitivity to tune in to the more subtle notes. Looking for what draws us in and what pushes us away. Noticing what feeling tones arise and where they lead.

Attuned choice by attuned choice, your entire life is a form of self-expression. You exist as a creative being in a creative universe. A singular work of art.

On looking for clues … Material for our work surrounds us at every turn. It’s woven into conversation, nature, chance encounters, and existing works of art.

When looking for a solution to a creative problem, pay close attention to what’s happening around you. Look for clues pointing to new methods or ways to further develop current ideas.

A writer may be in a coffee shop, working on a scene and unsure what a character is going to say next. A phrase might be overheard in the chatter from another table that provides a direct answer, or at least a glimpse of a possible direction. We receive these types of messages all the time, if we remain open to them. We might read a book and find a quote leaping off the page, or watch a movie and notice a line that moves us to pause and rewind. Sometimes it’s the exact answer we’ve been looking for. Or it could be an echo of an idea that keeps repeating in other places—begging for more attention or affirming the path we’re on.

These transmissions are subtle: they are ever-present, but they’re easy to miss. If we aren’t looking for clues, they’ll pass by without us ever knowing. Notice connections and consider where they lead. An integral part of the artist’s work is deciphering these signals. The more open you are, the more clues you will find and the less effort you’ll need to exert. You may be able to think less and begin to rely on answers arising within you.

On looking inward …

It’s common to believe that life is a series of external experiences. And that we must live an outwardly extraordinary life in order to have something to share. The experience of our inner world is often completely overlooked.

If we focus on what’s going on inside ourselves—sensations, emotions, the patterns of our thoughts—a wealth of material can be found. Our inner world is every bit as interesting, beautiful, and surprising as nature itself. It is, after all, born of nature.

When we go inside, we are processing what’s going on outside. We’re no longer separate. We’re connected. We are one.

Ultimately, it doesn’t make a difference whether your content originates on the inside or the outside. If a beautiful thought or phrase comes to mind, or if you see a beautiful sunset, one’s not better than the other. Both are equally beautiful in different ways. It’s helpful to consider there are always more options available to us than we might realize.

On self-doubt …

Self-doubt lives in all of us. And while we may wish it gone, it is there to serve us.

Flaws are human, and the attraction of art is the humanity held in it. If we were machinelike, the art wouldn’t resonate. It would be soulless. With life comes pain, insecurity, and fear.

We’re all different and we’re all imperfect, and the imperfections are what makes each of us and our work interesting. We create pieces reflective of who we are, and if insecurity is part of who we are, then our work will have a greater degree of truth in it as a result.

The making of art is not a competitive act. Our work is representative of the self. You would be amiss to say, “I’m not up to the challenge.” Yes, you may need to deepen your craft to fully realize your vision. If you’re not up to it, no one else can do it. Only you can. You’re the only one with your voice.

On having an abundant mindset…

A river of material flows through us. When we share our works and our ideas, they are replenished. If we block the flow by holding them all inside, the river cannot run and new ideas are slow to appear.

In the abundant mindset, the river never runs dry. Ideas are always coming through. And an artist is free to release them with the faith that more will arrive.

The recognition of abundance fills us with hope that our brightest ideas still await us and our greatest work is yet to come. We‘re able to live in an energized state of creative momentum, free to make things, let them go, make the next thing, and let it go. With each chapter we make, we gain experience, improve at our craft, and inch closer to who we are.