The past is over: Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past.

“The weak can never forgive: Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” –Mahatma Gandhi

What forgiveness is:

  • Not what we do but the way we perceive people and situations.
  • Something that we offer others and something we accept for ourselves.
  • A DECISION to see beyond the limits of another’s personality. It is a choice to “see the light instead of the

lampshade.” (Dr. Gerald Jampalsky).

  • AN ATTITUDE that implies that you are willing to accept responsibility for your perceptions, realizing that your perceptions are a choice and not an objective fact.
  • A PROCESS that requires shifting your perceptions again and again. It is rarely a one-time event because we habitually cloud our vision with judgments and perceptions of the past projected on to the present. Each time we shift to a deeper truth about others, and ourselves the ego weakens the monopoly on our perceptions.
  • A WAY OF LIFE that transforms us from victims to powerful and loving co-creators of our life. We can let go of the past and be fresh and out of fear in the present.

What forgiveness is not:

  • Not condoning negative, inappropriate behavior-yours or someone else’s.
  • Not pretending everything is fine when you feel it isn’t. Genuine forgiveness cannot be offered if anger and resentment are denied or ignored.
  • Not assuming an attitude of superiority or self-righteousness.
  • Not mean you will or must change your behavior.
  • Not require that you verbally communicate directly to the person you have forgiven.

“Though you may choose to behave differently, forgiveness requires only a shift in perception, another way of looking at the people and circumstances that we feel have caused us upset and pain.”

(This information primarily taken from, Robin Casarjian’s book, Forgiveness, A Bold Choice for a Peaceful Heart)

Self-Forgiveness

A Great Birth (excerpts taken from Forgiveness, A Bold Choice for a Peaceful Heart, by Robin Casarjian)

-“Forgiving yourself is probably the greatest challenge that you will ever meet. It is, in essence, the process of learning to love and accept yourself no matter what. ”

-“Love and self-forgiveness is essentially the same thing.”

-“The purpose of self-forgiveness is to shine light on the illusions, fears, and self-judgments that have held us captive in the role of the jailer”

-“Self-forgiveness is a great birth. It is inherent in those moments when the compassion, love, and glory of the greater Self is born within our direct experience and known beyond definition.”

-According to the theologian, Matthew Fox, “…the sin behind all sin is dualism. Separation. Subject/ object relationships.” “Take any sin….war, burglary, rape, every such action is treating another as an object outside oneself…. This is behind the sin.”

-“If we are separate from our Self, lost in fear, the instinctive survival mechanism will be to project this separation outward, trying to manipulate circumstances in an attempt to feel secure, in control, and powerful.” The irony is that we will actually feel the opposite.

-“Guilt can be healthy. …Healthy guilt posts boundaries…it guides our conscience. it is part of an internalized moral code…it is developed at around age 3.” We can get stuck in seeing our mistakes as that 3 year old!

-When you feel healthy guilt, but this guilt is indulged-if months or years later you are steeped in guilt for choices you made long ago this very same guilt becomes unhealthy. This is when the ego, in the form of the self-critic, acts like a robber who steals the present, has you tied to the past, and frightened about the future.”

– If you are dominated by guilt, it is impossible to feel compassion for yourself…it is by forgiving yourself that the bullying grip of the ego is released. It is by forgiving yourself that you can accept your mistakes as fearful reactions and confused attempts to get the power or love you felt you lacked…If we don’t forgive, the guilt will be played out in some way.”

-“The guilty self demands punishment for what it has done…it doles out its sentence in, depression, unhappiness, a chronic sense of unworthiness, or physical and mental illnesses.”

-“Self-forgiveness doesn’t imply condoning behaviors…or that you won’t feel remorse, but you need to move on from this place into a place of compassion. The truth is, you have made a mistake, but you essentially are not that act committed …yes, you are guilty of the behavior, but the essential Self is always guiltless and